… Love of Neighbor …
(from a December 6, 1981 conference)

It is surely true that for most of us . . . if we really know ourselves and judge our lives truly, the greatest defect in our lives is to be found in the way we treat other people, or think of them, or speak about them.  It is true that we are dissatisfied with our prayer life, and we can admit many deficiencies in our spiritual exercises, but these are things that can really only be judged by God, and we do not really know how much better we could do if we tried harder. . . But when it comes to our conduct towards other people, it is much easier to judge whether it is satisfactory or not, and whether it could be improved or not. . .
           
If we read the 13th chapter of St. Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, we get a clear description of how charity shows itself, and we can easily measure our own conduct against this and see where we can improve.  We must face it honestly.
           
“Love is always patient and kind.”  So, whatever excuse we may have, if we are impatient, love is not in that.  If we are unkind, no matter how much the victim asked for it, we are not acting with love.  “Love is never boastful or conceited.”  It is worth thinking about the fact that not only is it wrong to boast, and not only is it wrong to be conceited, but it is contrary to charity; it hurts others.  Telling others how successful we are may well be unkind, especially if they are less successful.  “Love is never rude or selfish.”  Good manners are a fruit of Christian charity, and since St. Paul says that charity is never rude, then we must never think that rudeness is justified.  “Love never takes offense.”  There are not many people who never take offence, and we all receive treatment that seems to justify taking offence some times.  But if we take offence, even if we think it justified, we are acting against charity.  “Love is never resentful.”  Never.  “Love is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.”
           
Some of us find it difficult to recall any definite sins at times, and it may be inadvisable to scrape around too much in examining our consciences, but if we really measure our past week or month against what St. Paul says about charity, most of us will not be tempted to think that we have been perfect by any means. . .
           
I suppose most of us are more or less kindly people.  We do not go about willfully being unkind.  At the same time, perhaps, we are rather limited in it.  We will go so far in doing good but not go any further.  Or we will put up with so much, but no more.  We limit our love for other people, as shown in practice by our idea as to how much they deserve, or by deciding at what point we have done as much as they ought to expect from us.  St. Paul’s description of love and our Lord’s demonstration of it had no such limits.
           
It is said that when a group of porcupines find the temperature rather too low for comfort, they crowd together for warmth . . . but then their spines prick one another and this is very uncomfortable, so they move apart again.  Then, as they begin to feel cold, they crowd together once more until the irritation is too much and they part again.  Eventually they settle close enough to get a little warmth but not close enough to get hurt. 
           
St. Paul did not actually say that love is always ready to get hurt by the person loved, but he did say that love endures all things, which points the same way.  Love is always ready to get hurt.  It does not defend itself against getting hurt.  How many good mothers never keep their distance from their children even when these go astray and hurt them very deeply?  How many wives and husbands, out of love, put up with atrocious conduct from their partners and become saints. . .
           
There is hardly a single day that passes for each of us in which we do not have more than one opportunity to prepare for the coming of Our Lord by the way we act or react in the presence of someone else.  The practice of love for our neighbor is not entirely made up of outstanding kindnesses or unusual generosity.  For some of us almost all we are invited to do for Our Lord is to smile when we meet people and not let them be bothered by our little troubles.  It costs very little to listen to other people as a rule, and just listening can be a great kindness. . . Even if what he says to us is utterly boring, he himself is not boring, since he is made in the image and likeness of God. . .
           
If we seriously think about our practice of charity we shall certainly find that there is room for improvement.  Particularly important is the absolute necessity for us to put right any coolness that exists between us and someone else, at least as far as that coolness depends on ourselves and insofar as we are able to make the relationship more cordial.  There is nothing like half-recognized but long-lasting antagonism to someone else to be an obstacle to the grace of God in us.  We must not block the love of God for us by blocking the expression of God’s love in us towards someone else.  Holy Scripture, quite apart from Our Lord’s example, informs us that if necessary we should be ready to lay down our lives for other people.  It would take far less than that for us to put things right with those to whom we don’t talk, or to those to whom we don’t write, or those whom we do not telephone.
           
Love does not make calculations as to whether it will be appreciated or whether it will be returned.  It does not decide to try to be kind for a few days and then give up if there is no response.  It is patient even for a whole life-time if necessary. . .
           
If we become charity-conscious in our spiritual life, we shall never be satisfied and shall always try to improve.  If we keep on trying and never give up and never come to the decision that it is not worth while trying any more to get on better with someone, then God will bless us very greatly, despite our many failures.  Then He will reinforce our knowledge that although He is the Almighty and infinite Creator and Judge of all, nevertheless the secret of His character as revealed to us by Jesus is that He is Our Father.  Fathers correct delinquent children severely but are gently and encouraging and sweet towards children who keep on trying even though they fail quite to make it.
           
Our greatest prayer in words is the Our Father, and it is all confidence and peace, and if we really mean it, it will force us to be charitable to those who sin against us, even more to those who do not.



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